my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
