a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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