I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
