i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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