You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
