Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
