Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
