Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
