She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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