I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
