Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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