I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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