She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
