Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
