What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
