I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
