so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
