I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I puked a lego.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
