So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
