So drunk its hurt
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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