I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
