so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't put those talents on a resume
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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