My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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