Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize