never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
