we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
