You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize