I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
