Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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