There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
