call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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