I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
