I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
