I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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