Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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