She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
