shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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