Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
