I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Alive.
So much puke
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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