Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
