I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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