hotel room ftw
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
