She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
