my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
