so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
