i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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