drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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