You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.