i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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