I can text with my tongue
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.