someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.