She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
