i permit you to call me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
