now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bang-toberfest begins!!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
