i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
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I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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