two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
