Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
