Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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