I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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