Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
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Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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