I want to stick my p in your. b.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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