my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
