i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
