Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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