he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
