Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
