Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
