I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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