i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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