Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There's even glitter on my cock...
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