hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
