Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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