Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
