I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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