Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
