You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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