he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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