I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
