I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs