he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.