Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
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i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"