Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
